The Fault in a lawyer's stars

What happens when you step in a law firm to give an interview?
You are asked about your knowledge on Law, you have to give a written examination and then you are presented before the Administration and if you clear then the final interview with the official authority.

Brush up your skills, know the law and face the storm.

Young law aspirant, fluent English speaker ( is that essential? yes ofcourse this is an urban office), thanks to his stars walked in to give an interview in the mad house.

Administration: So where did you get the accent from?
Young Law Aspirant : I don't have an accent, I speak like this
Administration: Well good for us, there is a need for English speakers, despite the fact 99% understand and read in the madhouse.

Have you ever visited the mad house in summers, you get to hear a lot accents, the Indians to pick up one or two and soon you cannot differentiate. The Chai walla has picked his English in last so many years from this place.

When the young law aspirant was interviewed he scored well, he was a perfect Supreme Court Lawyer,        ( no, no he didn't have grey hair or a special Sr. Counsel coat and band... but he had an accent) 

My friend once said, he wish he was fair, I never knew why he wished that, . Even fair people carry Indian passports, it doesn't matter.

As the tradition goes, in a recent development, the fault in his stars, the young lawyer got demoted.

What happens when you are demoted, you are sent to an inferior floor, the one which houses people whose name don't appear on court orders.

So for few the journey starts from sessions courts to the Supreme Court for others its the opposite now.

@themadhouse#: Boss: You are demoted
YLA: Yes Sir
Boss: Don't speak English now
YLA:???????


Its okay most of us don't have answers...

When did this Happen: Adult?

How many times have you woken up realizing that you are an Adult? Adulthood comes with lot of responsibilities, you just cant wake up any where and everywhere. When you are an adult, you prefer to wake up in a familiar environment and in your own bed.

Its July and it sucks being an adult, another half year has passed and your brains starts the marathon of still To- Do list left for the year. Earlier I would have said Relax! , but no more as an Adult can I say Oh! five months  to New Year party.

Really five months that means 150 days, that's too much to do anything. The list includes getting married, keep working on losing weight, read books, move to organic stuff or healthy living, you know what I mean, read better books- start with Ignited Minds, start something - dont know yet what?, learn something - too old!. Life is pretty much running at its speed to complete the list. But how I just forgot to mention to fall in love in this list.

Well Love?? do I still believe that Love exists. Reminds me of the post from HNY which said "the more I fall in love, the less sure I am about it". Tried falling in love with people, places and passion, the only thing left is to fall in love with oneself.

So when on an early Wednesday morning 6:30am (IST) you get a call from across the globe and you just pause. Well the planning for next 5 months come to a halt, things will look different now. When did this happen, we actually became adults, it only started with paying our bills and now we pay for our mistakes as well.


You got to be responsible- Seriously??  Cant we turn back , its like going through second school where you only move forward one class after the other, completing the race.




You just can't stop being an adult and it Sucks!

Why Mumbai?

Because it is here , where I said THIS IS IT!!!

Almost thirty years of my life and I have never been to Goa, never started my day drinking beer. Never sat on a beach and just see the waves come and go. Or visited Sreecafe where cats come and sit next to you and the only talking you do is with yourself.

So whats stopping you?

These quotes; leave your job, travel. One day of adventure than thousand day of comfort, are all good to hear but what happens when you have to live them

You will live those days, look at your tattoo, it says 'This to shall pass' , dont wear a tattoo , live it as well. So what are you thinking about Mumbai?

It is a nice place, i love walking around in south mumbai, the regal cinema, the fountain, kitab khana, burma-burma, leopod, cafe mondegar and the sea- looks quite calm, but it is not.

What happens when you are in love- you wanted to hear those three words. And when you are not in love- you hear THIS IS IT.

My friend Ms. A says I have been in a bad marriage ( with my work)  and its me who has to decide, so with a lump in my throat I said This is it!!

Falling in love is not always a happily ever after story,and when the person you are trying to love is yourself- who is messed up- so confused- so irrational . You think , well will it be worth? But the fact is most love stories have been between to imperfect people in a perfect city.

So Mumbai- cheers to the break up and to the new not known beginnings.

Why Mumbai?

Life is strange and we all know it , but we just dont know how strange it can get. So what do you answer when somebody asks you Why Mumbai? 

On any sunny day I would have been in a defensive mode and answered well, but on a day like this I answered, well I dont know most of the Why's in my life. I wish I knew. And then on a normal tuesday without a bottle of wine I chose to reply I have come here to fall in love.

Love?  Its like those people who go to Netherlands to find a spiritual teacher and not to Himalayas.

I smiled , well I think when you are not thirty but almost thirty and you dont believe in love love ... but more in falling love with yourself all over again. Its like that relationship when your ex returns and you dont want to have him but also not let him go.

Oh , so I am sure your work might be keeping you busy,your work sounds exciting?

Yeah it sounds exciting. Lot of excitement, its kept me busy , really busy, so busy that 7 years passed

Are you being sarcastic?

No, great-full.

So what exciting are you doing in this city?

I got myself on Tinder, 

Are you serious 'Tinder'?

Well that was the most easily accessible app, but the excitement died soon, most of them were part of a common army known as MODI army

Listen I dont give a damn about China , Korea or how he does as a PM?

Yeah well, I have also stop asking this question.

So Why Mumbai?

aaaa.......

aaa,,,,,,,,,,

hmmmm.......

I will get back soon to answer this

When wisdom came visiting on Sunday

Till 10th standard in school, I hated sundays, because it was followed by a monday and monday's were not my days. The little girl inside still feels same on some days , you know it when the following Monday has not much to offer.

The only good thing is that finally its summers and its time for the light bright , colorful clothes. As i packed the black, blue and maroons, i took out whites, pinks, peaches.  I hate winters, you have to carry so much load on already loaded life. Summers drain you, kill you but there is hope.

Towards evening walked in my house my only surviving grandparent , rest have left. Looking at him I wondered, he was the scariest of the rest three, he ate (non-vegetrian), drank ( alcohol, even today), screamed and loved getting pictures clicked, in short the worst of rest three, they were god fearing, vegetarian , teetotalers and look who survived. Now that others have gone, suddenly his heart has started pumping  and we see a soft caring man. I wondered did my grandmother left her heart with him, because this cant be a change of heart at this age.  

He asked about my work and next travel plans and adjusting his big old frames, took out something from his pocket. I had a smile, I thought my auto fare for the week was covered. But no he showed me a scribble , an urdu writer showed me two lines written in English.

I put my heart and soul in my work,

and have lost my mind in the process.......

And I wonder how do these parents and grandparents know what you arr going through and always have wisdom to offer. 

The cheapness of a cheap wine

This what cheap wine does to you, the more less you want to pay for a cheap wine the more cheapness you regret the next morning because that cheap wine makes you do all cheap things the same night.

You wake up with the thought I am 27 and every time I do the same mistake which most of us wine drinkers do, calling the right numbers and wrong people. The story doesn’t end there, there is a certain kind of enlightenment that comes from within after drinking cheap wine. And todays enlightenment is that what goes around comes around.  No,  not wrong people infact even they do, just when all this while I thought that there are enough people around who think and work alike and that I just refused to spend time or even talk to a fair rich real estate agent. And suddenly all those think alike people with whom there would be so much to discuss but no time.

Depend where you are coming from, you don’t get up everyday with thanking your stars. When a happening Friday night makes you wake up to a lonely life. And hello I am here in no way cribbing about being single in mad city. Sometimes you don’t want to be with yourself, that’s it. 

Letter to Babaji

Dear Babaji, 

I am writing to you to kindly take this mail seriously, please acknowledge receipt.

You are my favorite and you know that I am my favorite. But with a recent turn off events with you sending such people I am wondering what’s going on. Babaji you really need to stop playing hide and seek with me, seriously I wonder after traveling almost to every corner of the country and Abroad where have you hid that one intelligent guy.

And if you have left that task on me I want to ask you, have you ever visited a club? Half of the men there are gay and other half engaged . So what do you expect now?

My life has been very happening till now until recently when my parents have thought of putting an end to this happening party by getting me into a contract. Now as far as the matter is of getting into contract it’s not that bad but I am a little skeptical of getting into a contract with people of the same biradri.  No offence babaji but you only tell me how dramatic are the people from this community. Forget anyone else my own mother is a super drama queen anyone outside of the biradri is madrasi for her.

 The agony doesn’t end there my brothers and sisters have a long guest list and song list in their mind and just because of that it has to be a Big Punjabi  Vyaah they can’t think of a sophisticated simple marriage. My uncles and brothers have been tankers and they think this is the perfect way of returning the favor by having unlimited booze on atleast the cocktail.

Not only this babaji it takes lot of courage to tell people why you are still single when Simmo Vimmo and Kammo are married and raising babies. Everyone has a boy suggestion to make like telling what is a best married course one should apply for. And when they ask me what I do and I say human rights they think it is something to do with the dharna king,  two month chief minister of the state.

Babaji I humbly request you to put an end to this suffering and please send a person who understands the intent of this letter and laughs at it.

Yours favorite,

Mad Punjabi Girl. 

The Bustop !

Some good years back three convent school girls in their salwar kameez and starched dupatta were waiting for DTC bus at the bus stop. One of them took out her neatly covered in brown paper with name sticker rough note book. She opened the last page and took out a natraj pencil from her pencil box (then what ever written in pencil could be easily erased). They wrote qualities of a nice guy:they wrote fair, smart, handsome and convent educated. They had also picked boys at the bus stop ( well easier picking boys then), i mean selected convent boys who were waiting at the same bus stop. The naughty one jumping around with silky hair was every ones favourite. But one girl differed she picked the one wearing specs and reading goosebumps early morning. The other two made fun of her and taunted her saying he is an uncle, she replied that she likes serious , quite and mature guys. After few years when they attended the farewell party with the same convent boys they discovered convent boys are no more interested in convent girls . Except a few, which then went on to become school romance love stories.

Soon after school and in the second year of college waiting with a male friend on the bus stop, the convent educated girl was in a discussion. Though blushing she told him she would only date a guy who has a car and not make her walk or wait at a bus stop. The guy laughed and said look for men who are not studying, because all the cars outside college were not the cars of the boys but their father's. Well he had  a point to make. And still all you wanted was a nice guy who is good with you and takes you to parties in his car and later if you are lucky you get married to him and then the car either comes as a dowry or if he does well in his papa's business.

But if you cross that and then take a bus to office everyday. Morning and evening you wait for the bus, sometimes run behind them on roads and travel with all kinds of fellows. You actually realize the importance of your hard earned money.  And then in your office where there are men in more proportion to women and some real gentleman. After work when you go out for coffee or drinks with these men you realize there is a boy still in them who has refused to grow up. Its fun to be around such boys,  who are in transition.Its fine to date them but who wants to marry them? Let Mummy Papa find a nice guy with a good package and his own car.

It is only with buses that one goes, and the other one comes, because real men don't come again and again. Then you hope for a man , who takes care of you ( this need of being taken care by someone), actually waiting at a bus stop your mom calls you and sends you the photos of boys who have turned into a man and ready to take the plunge.  

Then when you meet a man some two bus stops away from your home. Sitting infront of him you wonder wether he matches the list written in your brown notebook, or the guy you discussed in college. And you realize that maybe i have not grown i am still that girl looking for a boy at heart in a man's body. 

There is no sex in the city

If you live in this era and this city, where the chief minister is sleeping on roads and the law minister has become lawless.
The alleged agitation is about people in the city , did they just forgot people include both men and women and police. And since when people only include fair and rich and not poor and brown or black. 

Just when we are fighting to not go back in the British era by saying no going back on 377 our law minister is actually saying only the darker have sex and not the fairer. What aap justice is this?

There is no need to get upset if you are not having what others are as you will be kept motivated by the politics happening on the street and if you plan to join them make sure you have watched Nayak ( the bollywood movie ) more than the number of times it was shown on Sony TV. Someone seriously took the Nayak Anil Kapoor so seriously that what a co accident hat their initials also match from AK of Bollywood to AK of politics.

The Angel on my Gchat

In this highly customised winter season, angels don't come along with Santa. They are there present on your Gchat.
They maybe not be as white as me and even wont have wings to fly, but just that concern for you in their heart is what makes them an angel in your life.

Stars are no more in the sky they are hanging in balconies and fairies resting on Christmas trees. Just like that my gift of wine don't fit in the stocking now.Here comes Santa  right before the new year,  to help you pen down your resolutions and determinations for the next year. But then he leaves behind these angels who help you carry forward them in the new year. These angels pick you when you fall, they silently get it all right before you wake up, pull you out of a mess, carry you home when you drunk. They will be there silently watching you with their green light turned on.

Your angel is just like you, confused , shattered , cheated. As someone had written on a wall two negatives make a positive. These angels bring not only bring you good work to be happy about all year  but also close to all wrong people because they know even if these people leave they will be still standing there right behind you.

When you are down and not in the mood, here comes the angel on Gchat and asks you , how are you doing? And you reply I am doing good,but the angel know everytime you say I am good doesn't mean you are good.

Sometimes the angel also get lost, they go for their angel searching and then the higher they fly they land injured on a terrace with their wings cut and sometimes among drunk people. 

So this is to my angel, that  no matter how many times you get drunk and beaten up. No matter how high you try to fly and return without wings and no matter how many times I fight with you. And for all the stupid mistakes you did. You will still remain my angel, and I forgive you and accept you just as ugly as you are. Because when I get old there needs to be a story of angels to be told to my children and pen down in the book. 

The Mad girl's saga of candies and crushes

U know how much I like the black berries but I recently ditched what was in my hand and went for touch. the touch came with a crush saga. so finally i had a crush. It started on because everyone around me was reaching to a level and i was still there with the touch. Even the younger  and older ones were playing , so first time in months  I started playing.

Well finally there was a certain sense of achievement after tasty and delicious. Looking forward to Sweet. After ages there was the word delicious coming my way and in the end the sugar crush. No one can give you a love life but surely here people were giving each other and asking for life. No where I have seen so much solidarity even crossing international borders. Nothing has kept me awake at night for months now, and finally a company in the blanket.

The Mad Girl and the Mad Ways to keep you away from the madness. 

Raja , Senapati ki Mad Story

Ek tha raja, uski thi ek mad praja.
Uske the 2 senapati, just like gaddafi....
Ek order leti , ek order deti
Raja rahega old or senapati bhi the old
Par dono kamal ka khana banate,
Jab Raja Hungry kya?
Tab ata mutton, chicken or egg rice

Jab aya blackberry ka zamana
tab ek senapati ne sikha blackberry chalana or dosre ne sikha ubuntu chalna


Fir aise din aaye jab aam insan ke haath main aaya apple
par aaye nahi online booking karwani
kar diya ghotala senapati ne


seedha singhasan se phaunchaya diya plane main
or wahaan par aisa apmaan hua
ki baju main bhaita aam insaan
or piche ta mutr visarjan ka sthan


fir aaye senapati ki aisi shamat
ki gola barood ki hui baarish
or gaya haath se command

ek tha raja, do the senapati, ek ki khatam hui kahani....

The Mad Girl's friday night poem from a bar

Brain is stoned
and heart is fucked

My hands are cold and
so are my words

Eyes are dry,
vodka flows out

There is lot of background music in life
and lot of lyrics that run that run through my mind

In the process of knowing myself
i want to be unknown to others

I just wondered what has happened to me
and applied some whisky and brains
and realized ' life'  happened to me

The conversation between heart and brain of Mad Girl

Brain: I am warning you stay single

Heart:  no! no! this time I am not even looking. I need a break.

Brain: Is this a no or a yes. ?

Heart: My brain and heart say no no

Brain: I hope you are not even looking, this  guy fits 50% of the criteria, but remember not 80-100% I hope you have not fallen?

Heart: No! no! I know, I have done that before, won’t do it again, these 60% only take the breath away, don’t even let you (brain) function and choke the wind pipe.

Brain: Why are you thumping so fast and sending more blood to the cheeks they are resembling you in color

Heart:  Can’t I be happy also? I am not doing any harm to others or to myself.

Brain: Listen stop overpowering me, we are not letting her type that message

Heart: It’s just a message, no harm. The network doesn’t work in this area, let her be happy with a message

Brain: Listen from message to bed is not a long route

Heart:  Shit you actually have a dirty mind, where do you reach. It’s just a message. You are sick!

Brain: I better not be sick, because you will take over

Heart: Dear Brain stop functioning for some time, because if you do she won’t fall in love, she needs love right now.

Brain: All she needs is wisdom, which I can give. Please you  stop functioning.

Heart: Brain dead , she is alive on ventilator, heart dead , she will die a virgin

Brain: Listen can’t you see he is a fool , he has the same qualities as other boys

Heart: No he smells better than others

Brain: Do you only smell that, cant you smell the danger

Heart: It’s okay I will manage

Brain: you have not been able to manage before.

Heart: Arrey, I tried but it takes time to form a heart to heart connection. I was almost going to jump from the eyes, but the good smelling guy shut his eyes.

Brain: Because his brains are smart and his heart follows the brain

 Heart: I would have fallen from the eyes but he was wearing ray ban

Brain: I am very firm, it is a strict ‘no’ from my side

Heart: I would say take the chance

Brain: I won’t be responsible if this heart breaks, there is no insurance clause for heart breaks.

Heart: It’s okay, every love story brain has doubted

Heart: I am finish, this can’t be true

Brain: Fir shuru nautanki…….

The train journey of patriarchy

It is said that at any period of time over 5 lakh people are traveling  by Indian Railways. India is a big country and we have one of the largest railway networks, connecting rural to urban India and connecting north to south, east to west.

There have been lot of bollywood movies where trains are seen playing a leading role especially in love stories. But not all mad girls traveling by train find love on train. And no Sharukh Khan comes and gives you his hand.  Well if you see it’s not a bad option , where can you get a variety of  500 -600 men and say 18 -20 hours to judge longer than the time you spend on facebook chatting.

I won’t say girls are pampered on railway journey but surely there are enough men who take the responsibility of becoming fathers, brothers and boyfriends , if a girl is traveling alone. You will close your eyes at night just for the fact that your train father tells you to sleep its late, yes late its 10:10pm and when you wake you will have atleast 5 sets of eyes staring at you. And that awkward moment when you manage to smile but you just don’t know how to get out of the smelly itchy blanket.

The train helper is a sweet guy, he will give you extra tea kits, soup sticks and in return  he asks you is your internet is working? You with that blank look remembering god, just keeping fingers crossed that he doesn’t ask you to add him on facebook. There are already 500+ friends on the list and some of them just sitting there .

But one aspect of Indian railways is, it is Patriarchal. The men in this train feel  like real men, all thanks to bollywood. They will stand on doors and for sure wait for some Deepika Phadukone or Kajol to come. Sadly no one comes, so they become Shahid kapoor, but no Kareena Kapoor comes to rescue them hence in this sadness they smoke cigarettes there.  No matter what class you travel, people are mostly classless, why I say this look at the toilets and the bins. Women just dread to use the toilets and men hate using bins.

One such man is sitting right opposite me when I am writing this post, he has assumed the role of my brother I think, a concerned brother, khana khalo, chai peelo, laptop charge kar lo.  After half an hour when we got onto the train, he took out his comfortable pyjamas and changed from his formal shirt and pants. Thank god that he used the washroom to change pants, because not so salman khan he took his shirt in public view. And when he came out he proudly carried his pants and underwear. Before packing his pants , shirt and underwear, he proudly in full public view dusted his underwear, not less than a John Abraham. Nowwhat can I say?

Anyway Indian railways have pampered Indians by giving them Amul butter with soup sticks and cockroaches with food.  But some men traveling by train make sure that every paisa of their ticket is vasool. So they pack some items for home. The height can be seen when the uncle didnt wanted to waste the butter served with bread omelet, so he added butter to his tea.

This man sitting on the other side is an excellent example of a patriarchal mindset. He has proudly bought his daughter and wife on the train. And because its cold he has locked his hands under his armpits and unlocked his tongue. So every few minutes you will hear him calling out his wife’s name and asking her to do something, such as keep the sweets in the bag, give the daughter cough syrup, don’t use tea bags, wear your duppatta. And the lady is obediently following orders, she couldn’t sleep the entire night because the daughter was coughing and I couldn’t sleep because her husband was snoring.

Just like Indian Railways we have miles to go…..