The Mad Girl's friday night poem from a bar

Brain is stoned
and heart is fucked

My hands are cold and
so are my words

Eyes are dry,
vodka flows out

There is lot of background music in life
and lot of lyrics that run that run through my mind

In the process of knowing myself
i want to be unknown to others

I just wondered what has happened to me
and applied some whisky and brains
and realized ' life'  happened to me

The conversation between heart and brain of Mad Girl

Brain: I am warning you stay single

Heart:  no! no! this time I am not even looking. I need a break.

Brain: Is this a no or a yes. ?

Heart: My brain and heart say no no

Brain: I hope you are not even looking, this  guy fits 50% of the criteria, but remember not 80-100% I hope you have not fallen?

Heart: No! no! I know, I have done that before, won’t do it again, these 60% only take the breath away, don’t even let you (brain) function and choke the wind pipe.

Brain: Why are you thumping so fast and sending more blood to the cheeks they are resembling you in color

Heart:  Can’t I be happy also? I am not doing any harm to others or to myself.

Brain: Listen stop overpowering me, we are not letting her type that message

Heart: It’s just a message, no harm. The network doesn’t work in this area, let her be happy with a message

Brain: Listen from message to bed is not a long route

Heart:  Shit you actually have a dirty mind, where do you reach. It’s just a message. You are sick!

Brain: I better not be sick, because you will take over

Heart: Dear Brain stop functioning for some time, because if you do she won’t fall in love, she needs love right now.

Brain: All she needs is wisdom, which I can give. Please you  stop functioning.

Heart: Brain dead , she is alive on ventilator, heart dead , she will die a virgin

Brain: Listen can’t you see he is a fool , he has the same qualities as other boys

Heart: No he smells better than others

Brain: Do you only smell that, cant you smell the danger

Heart: It’s okay I will manage

Brain: you have not been able to manage before.

Heart: Arrey, I tried but it takes time to form a heart to heart connection. I was almost going to jump from the eyes, but the good smelling guy shut his eyes.

Brain: Because his brains are smart and his heart follows the brain

 Heart: I would have fallen from the eyes but he was wearing ray ban

Brain: I am very firm, it is a strict ‘no’ from my side

Heart: I would say take the chance

Brain: I won’t be responsible if this heart breaks, there is no insurance clause for heart breaks.

Heart: It’s okay, every love story brain has doubted

Heart: I am finish, this can’t be true

Brain: Fir shuru nautanki…….

The train journey of patriarchy

It is said that at any period of time over 5 lakh people are traveling  by Indian Railways. India is a big country and we have one of the largest railway networks, connecting rural to urban India and connecting north to south, east to west.

There have been lot of bollywood movies where trains are seen playing a leading role especially in love stories. But not all mad girls traveling by train find love on train. And no Sharukh Khan comes and gives you his hand.  Well if you see it’s not a bad option , where can you get a variety of  500 -600 men and say 18 -20 hours to judge longer than the time you spend on facebook chatting.

I won’t say girls are pampered on railway journey but surely there are enough men who take the responsibility of becoming fathers, brothers and boyfriends , if a girl is traveling alone. You will close your eyes at night just for the fact that your train father tells you to sleep its late, yes late its 10:10pm and when you wake you will have atleast 5 sets of eyes staring at you. And that awkward moment when you manage to smile but you just don’t know how to get out of the smelly itchy blanket.

The train helper is a sweet guy, he will give you extra tea kits, soup sticks and in return  he asks you is your internet is working? You with that blank look remembering god, just keeping fingers crossed that he doesn’t ask you to add him on facebook. There are already 500+ friends on the list and some of them just sitting there .

But one aspect of Indian railways is, it is Patriarchal. The men in this train feel  like real men, all thanks to bollywood. They will stand on doors and for sure wait for some Deepika Phadukone or Kajol to come. Sadly no one comes, so they become Shahid kapoor, but no Kareena Kapoor comes to rescue them hence in this sadness they smoke cigarettes there.  No matter what class you travel, people are mostly classless, why I say this look at the toilets and the bins. Women just dread to use the toilets and men hate using bins.

One such man is sitting right opposite me when I am writing this post, he has assumed the role of my brother I think, a concerned brother, khana khalo, chai peelo, laptop charge kar lo.  After half an hour when we got onto the train, he took out his comfortable pyjamas and changed from his formal shirt and pants. Thank god that he used the washroom to change pants, because not so salman khan he took his shirt in public view. And when he came out he proudly carried his pants and underwear. Before packing his pants , shirt and underwear, he proudly in full public view dusted his underwear, not less than a John Abraham. Nowwhat can I say?

Anyway Indian railways have pampered Indians by giving them Amul butter with soup sticks and cockroaches with food.  But some men traveling by train make sure that every paisa of their ticket is vasool. So they pack some items for home. The height can be seen when the uncle didnt wanted to waste the butter served with bread omelet, so he added butter to his tea.

This man sitting on the other side is an excellent example of a patriarchal mindset. He has proudly bought his daughter and wife on the train. And because its cold he has locked his hands under his armpits and unlocked his tongue. So every few minutes you will hear him calling out his wife’s name and asking her to do something, such as keep the sweets in the bag, give the daughter cough syrup, don’t use tea bags, wear your duppatta. And the lady is obediently following orders, she couldn’t sleep the entire night because the daughter was coughing and I couldn’t sleep because her husband was snoring.

Just like Indian Railways we have miles to go…..

The Single Sad Girl in the Mad City

Sitting on my computer in the middle of an important memorandum i am drafting or say in the midst of my life I wonder ' where do girls get boys' . Having hit the bars, coffee shops, book store, god homes, parks , I still don't get the answer. Okay this is not only my story, but the story of all singles in the Mad City, we just don't know where to look out for good (that we decide later) atleast tolerable people.

Recently someone told me she tried these matrimonial website, she just couldn't believe such genre of people exists. Those she liked rejected her request and the ones she would never would even think of even if they were single last man on earth, kept sending her requests, infact one of the mother of the boys called also, later she requested the girl to give her daughter an internship under her. Well another one said she recently came across a boy, who's so called matrimonial bio data was got to her by her parents and the guy wrote that he is looking for fair, affectionate girl. Now she looked at her bitch and wondered wether the proposal was for the bitch named Laila or herself.

The burden of your parents turning old without a son in law is not enough to kill you,  when your brothers and sisters give you a cut off date. After reading a zillion of love stories and watching atleast two romantic movies per week, no matter how much you encourage yourself  the next day you are sitting in the bus and crying to yourself looking around for a tissue, but nobody comes and you select a corner of your dupatta blow your nose and wipe your tears.

Then all those chocolates and wine bottles and jagjit songs is only what you get. You look up the sky because somebody has forgotten to look down on you. And if by mistake you do get some what tolerable people these new terms of commitment phobia and soul searching kills the romance even before it starts. Now the expiry date of relationships are as long as the bottle of milk in your fridge.

 And this weather makes it worse when you overly dress up but you know no one will be there to put a hat on your head or a muffler around your neck you have to pack and unpack yourself. You sit close to the fire and wish you die . but whats the point if you die nothing will come atleast right now options are open.

Suddenly its winters

Suddenly its winters, like till last week you could enjoy a beer or wear that short dress and today as if the chill is hitting my spine. Winters are here !  The dark gloomy weather which make you regret not having a tall dark and handsome, is here. My friend Mr. AA once said you know its winter, when you regret your single status. Well its true, Delhi winters are too beautiful, you do miss the company of someone special and miss sharing same cup of chai or coffee, apart from your bed , you enjoy lying down in the park and just staring up and planning the whole day, but hate to move. 

I  hear people missing Delhi winters, like missing wearing layers of clothes and over priced over coats and those dream boots which you only see in hollywood movies. Is that what you miss?  Somebody said  its the love that they miss the most, but you cant do  much in winters. Then I came across this conversation by yet another girl in the Mad City, who was trying to convince her boyfriend what it is to be loved in winters. 

Girl: Hey  you remember this day last week we kissed

boy: yes, our first kiss

G: exactly, our first kiss, you remembered 

B: but i preferred the one on bed

G:yes that was fun too, but that was the first one, the most romantic one in the park

b: 14th November is the day!

G: yeah exactly one month when you said I love you

b: Is it? its sachin's final test match

g: ohh so you remember sachin, not me

b: because its my final chance to say I love you to him . To you i said love you next day also and last night also

g: yeah that one was the first one at the airport, just before I  boarded the flight, I couldn't believe my ears and those four hours were the worst. All i wanted to do was jump out of the plane  to get a network and hear again

B:Do you girls have a digital clock and calendar fit into you

G: No we are just thorough with calenders and date. imagine if we screw our dates, who will be at a loss .

The girl in the Mad City: Remembering the Past

In the Mad House we have a trend of artificial emergencies which are created when the boss leaves and returns from a trip. Before he leaves we count each and evey minute and second for the time to rejoice. And after his return each minute and second rejoice on the clock as time never pass.

Earlier we use to thank god because when he use to leave that meant no panic phone calls but with the growth of technology he thanks god because where ever he goes it follows. On a trip there are certain days where world comes to an end, for that Miss R. is informed before hand and she gathers everyone, clearly calculatng the time zones well, we all stand in a cue, and all get their fair share and this time its only one side talking your answers have to be a minimal words. Also each every person is asked to keep a check on the person standing next to them. So part of your work includes that you make sure others complete their task. When I was asked to make certain calls, my seniors were asked to make calls to me. No matter wether the trip was national or international , every call use to end with an overall organisation assesment on return.

We never knew how it was possible but boss use to fly over traffic and reach office before given time. Then started a long day, no matter it was a saturday or sunday, 9 am or 5pm, we all use to be ready. But worst was no matter what preperations you do, you will always be asked what you are not prepared with. And then no point arguing you had to feel as a failure, as if you knew everything but you couldnt answer. In time we realized its better to fail because only one can win.

The return use to be grand as if labour pains started, everyone dressed but stressed. Often outside one chamber was a long cue of waiting people waiting for their names to be called. We avoided individual confrontations and often went in company.

I can still feel the tremors, can I stop getting goosebumps when I hear that ringtone. 

The girl in the Mad City: An introduction

In every sip of that wine today I looked at the boxes infront of me, here I was five years later, with a zillion of memories and one mail. I had resisted change for a while , it was as if people were pushing me off the cliff.

Here I had a mad boss, the mad people and some mad friends. But in time I realized that if you are mad you will bump into mad people every where. Here starts the second phase of madness , the mad girl has left the house and and is now roaming on the streets of Mad City, with lot of stories to tell.

The journey from here is going to be even better from what it was, here I am  searching for accidental husbands and love stories untold.  Earlier I thought you are either in love or you are not , but now I understand the third category which is 'its complicated'.

Its complicated because we never go by rules, we make our own stories. We never learn from our mistakes because we believe in making  more mistakes. These are actually not mistakes these are bed time stories for your grand kids. They should get to know how after all they got their grand father and which were probably good potential grand fathers.

Here we go out in Mad City exploring madness and love...... chalo chalen......

The Girl in the Mad City

Boy: You don't wanna be with me, I am not that kind of a guy

Girl: You know what, you are actually right.

Boy: You can get any guy

Girl: Yeah! I can get any guy.. any guy

Girl: I can easily get a guy who can take me around the world, but I wont get a guy who will watch sunset with me on a beach. With whom the world is on that walk on the beach.

I cant get a guy who can kiss me all day long, but I want the guy who is shy of kissing me in his own car

Boy: Ohh, so you like me

Girl: No, actually I was thinking of how it would be to grow old with a person like you, we wont have to fight for the remote, because both of like watching football. And we also read books in bed. We discuss leading judgments from the courts

Boy: That's too much similar of us

Girl: Listen I am done with your reasoning and answers

Boy: Its not love

Girl: Yeah , its not love. I think its the hangover of the Before Sunset and Before Sunrise movie we just watched.
its definitely not love....

Right There Where You Left-IV

Girl:No not again, I don't want to pack the memories again
Boy: Dear, do you have a choice?
Girl: It is so hard to forget
Boy: But it was worth, atleast you have the memories
Girl: What will I do of them, instead of tears what will they give me
Boy: Tell me what was one good thing, worth remembering
Girl: We both liked the movie before sunrise and after sunset
Boy: And now
Girl: Now I have to agree with every other fool who thought Titanic was romantic


Boy: So when is the most you miss him
Girl: Earlier it was when it rained
Boy: Now
Girl: Time between sunrise and sunset
Boy: And after sunset
Girl: Then I have the company of the wine

Boy: Will u be able to love again
Girl: I dont know what love means now
Boy: Dont be so harsh on yourself
Girl" Every time I tell my heart its worth giving a try, the heart replies , you said that last time also.
Boy: Some one will come and you will realize why it didn't work with others
Girl: I am tired of working with others, if a guy has to keep you he will make the efforts.

Right there where you left -III

Friend 1: Listen ..... I think everything is gonna change!!
Friend 2: What is gonna change?
Friend 1: Maybe me.... Maybe you!!!
Friend2: Nothing is gonna change
Friend 1: Okay....


Friend 1: Listen.... Everything changed?
Friend2: What has changed?
Friend1: The colour of your shirts and the people in our lives...
Friend 2: That is good, change should happen

Friend1: Listen..... I think everything changed
Friend 2: What changed?
Friend 1: Even to throw a book at your face, I have to use facebook
Friend2: But it did hit me on face







Friend2: Listen.....you were right everything was changing
Friend 1: What changed for you?
Friend2: I dont have you anymore to tell me about the change.

Right there where you left- II

I am not a good person but I dont like the company of bad people.

You dont even know how nice the whisky taste because you still hung on that cheap wine.

Ofcorse I am happy that you have developed new tastes but honestly the dal chawal are still better.

I have a story to tell you only if you have time to listen.

The season of mangoes are long gone and the season for partying starts.

Lets make peace and not war, because a few years from now, I would still like to share stories over tea.

Right There Where You Left

Its not that I dont have time for you its just that there is no time at this stage in life and if you think that after walking a few miles ahead of me or on a different road and you come back and to the point where you left, you might not find me.

If you think that there is lot of time to cook and eat together which you can do after few months, but you dont get mangoes in winters.

And if you think that those stupid jokes we will laugh together but what if life becomes a joke.

We are wrong in some ways but if not now, we wont get a chance to change this wrong into right.

Complementing each others snotty nature is fine but we cant compliment snotty people on our sides.

So when you stop liking desi khanna and prefer italian dancing think that this is a temporary phase in your life and maybe one day the time will come to go back to the place Right  there where you left.... because, growing up together is easy but growing apart is difficult.