Rains

 Delhi had its pre- monsoon showers yesterday ,  thanks to Global Warming we dont have rains any more in Delhi. Except last year, when all records were broken and it rained so much day and night. Putting the Municipal Corporation of Delhi (MCD) into lot of problem. Clog drains, traffic jams , overflowing water and then it was the Common wealth games that were coming up, entire Delhi was dug up. 

Tanmay , my brother and I got drenched.  Rightly said by some one " I love walking in the rain, so that no one knows I'm crying." 15th of June is a black day for me.

It is exactly been two years since I am back from London. On 15th June 2009, I took the Air India flight to Delhi not knowing I wont be able to go back. When I was leaving London, I packed my stuff in shopping bags and gave it to my friends, telling them I will be back in a month. Now I dont even remember what I packed, where I kept what. Thanks to those sweet ladies who have still kept some of my stuff with them . Like I know kristen and Marcus have kept me teddy which I bought it as a Christmas present for my self in their room. In past two years I have tried so many times to arrange a trip to London, but you propose and some power disposes. 

It rains a lot in London, infact when I was there I used to wonder that if it ever rained in Mumbai this much, it might have drowned. As in Mumbai or even Delhi we dont have good drainage system but we have lots of corruption. 

I look forward to the rains, I hope it will bring with it some good news and memories. 

These lines I just came across............

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

 Neil Gaiman

MIssing You!

Missing You was not part of the game,
Those cups of black tea , with little sugar and milk ( typical English style)
Delhi roads on the bike.
Beer on Sale

Those spaces between the fingers so that my fingers can slip in
That four month  pregnant stomach
That skirts and shirts
 

I didnt wanted to, but I am thinking of You

An empowering Sunday.

Today is a perfect sunday, just because I am happy. I have grown one week wiser. Well where sundays are spent sleeping and relaxing, my day started at 5 am , yes 5 in the morning because I couldnt sleep last night.Today I had my law entrance exam, which to my surprise went well. I am so greatful to such caring parents. My dad drove me to almost one end of the city. How Lucky I am and then because my exam went well I have been able to convince my mom to let me study and dont hang the sword of marriage on my head. 

Yes in India or in Punjabis you have to bargain your life with your parents. Please dont , get me married. 

When I was in school I was an average student, I use to fail in Maths just pass in other subjects but scored full in behavior and manners. So I was good student and after my 10th when I took up arts stream, Thank God for no maths and I started scoring well, I could see my mother walking proudly out of school after parents teacher meeting. And on the other hand, my brother is extremely opposite he neither studies , scores well and his parents teacher meeting is all about how naughty he is, so my mom has all together stop going to his school. For my punjabi mother children should be obedient and get scared when a mother shows her eyes. I am still scared of those eyes but not my brother. Being a home maker now I can see that trust she has in me and wants me to study. I hope it lasts, because I know she will be back tomorrow morning discussing suitable grooms. She never thought in her wildest dreams that I will even study this much, as in doing a masters from Abroad. She just prayed that I atleast do my bachelors from Delhi University, which I did. Apart from a regular course in Communications.

So coming back to my Sunday! after the exam my brother and I discussed the paper , had lunch with family (Pranthas and Lassi), typically Punjabi and then slept. So now I have been online replying to mail from work, cleaning my cupboard and my room. And the weather is perfect. But whats so special about this Sunday that it has renewed my confidence in myself. I never thought an exam which I was dreading is going to be so empowering. Not only this but an inner turmoil has got its answers, so I am happy and I look forward to an exciting week.

The different moods I go through

Most of the time our moods depends on lot of things we go through in our daily lives. But it also depends on lot of people we meet during the day, or people in our life. I mean I am actually letting a person affect how I feel.. which is not so Buddhist. Because in Buddhism we believe that my life should not depend on any external factor.

I quiet like my mundane life , yes the boring routine where I get up in the morning, get ready for office, travel to work, see people around me, spend time with my colleagues and then go back home, go to the gym, meet some people and sleep. So my daily small doses of happiness are somebody being good to me, auto wallah not charging, listening to an old forgotten song, an email from some one, yes this is it. And i really fear when happy moments come because they dont last for long , they come like weekend, quickly come and go.

I recently went through one of these happy phases, where everything was like a dream. But now its fading out, why does it come at the first place?

I am not a good writer like others, but I want to express myself. I am unique in my own way.  Why do things come to you when they are not meant for you...... i hate the argument that says 'Its for your own good, its making you strong' .
Hello! who decides that I need to be strong and why its me.

Enough said about what to do when you feel bad, but when you feel bad what do you do? Forgive the person who has made you feel bad.... Buddhist Compassion
Or indulge in good food, clothes, shopping  or best Bitch about it. Yes! this is the simpliest way of forgettting what has happened to you.
Call up your good friend ( sadly my best listener is in NYC, so the phone calls will be expensive, but I will find an alternative) and talk to her/him. Tell them all the good things that happened, that made you happy. Then tell them all things which went wrong, all thats bothering you, I am sure if he/she is your good friend they will always add to what you are complaining and never stop you from not complaining. If they do ( this person is sensible, find another dumbo who will listen to you) . Even if you have to treat your friends to a Rs. 100 coffee (which your mother can make it anytime better and cheaper and your four days milk expenditure will be that much) , still go treat this person as he is listening to you.

Aaah, I feel so better and I better find my dumbo... I need to get out of this. Too frustrated and thanking you for the good times.

London

I LOVE LONDON

This is a new section in my blog. As one can see and feel the love I have for London. I thought of penning down my experience of staying in London . My college, my course , my friends and the best part my child hood dream of being in London. I will also share lot of pictures.

In shoes of Aisha

I am quite mesmerized by this character of Sonam Kapoor in Aisha. In fact this the only movie I have it on my laptop. I watch it almost after every fifteen days, it just takes me to a land of dreams. I want to be like Aisha, no not without brains. But with a rich dad , who can afford my Rs. 50,000 shopping bill and a cute Punjabi boyfriend. Just walk into branded stores and buy almost everything you like, go out to most expensive clubs in Delhi and happening parties. And no matter what mistakes you do, you have a good friend always there for you.
 
But this is real life, neither you find cute punjabi boys nor your dad pays your bills. Just forget about social life with a meager salary. But what i really liked about the movie is the good looking, loving , caring boy friend. Who stood by her, who helped her grow.

After watching the full movie two months ago, i am quiet found of Sonam Kapoor and she looked amazing at Cannes, yes, she did beat Aishwarya Rai, who looked like a old mai.